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MY Awards for the Oscars

Ok, here's how this goes: I'm giving either a Pat on the Back for something I liked or a Flick of the Ear (using my middle finger) to something I didn't like...


A Pat on the Back goes to...
Jon Stewart, for doing a good job as host, with a clever monologue, funny intros (Tom Hanks won twice and now has no right to be here) and my favorite montage of all time, the Oscar Tribute to Binoculars and Periscopes.

A Flick of the Ear goes to...
Jon Stewart, for including the Barack Hussein Obama material in his monologue. Coulter, Limbaugh, Hannity and every other right-wing douchebag emphasizes Obama's middle name. I understand it was a set up for a joke but the right-wing pundits are jokes themselves, so I saw no need to pile on (Although, "Gaydolph Titler" cracked me up).

A Pat on the Back goes to...
Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for their performance and winning the Academy Award for the song, "Falling Slowly" from the movie, "Once" (which, by the way, was excellent).

A Flick of the Ear goes to...
Bill Conti & the Orchestra, for taking a beautiful, passionate, simple song and coming close to turning it into a lush, heavy-on-the-strings blow out.

AND...
A Double Flick of the Ear goes to...
Bill Conti & the Orchestra for cutting off Marketa Irglova before she even got one word out. A real douchebag move no matter how long the show was running!!!

which leads me to

A Double Pat on the Back goes to...
Jon Stewart & Gil Cates, the Producer of the show, for letting Marketa Irglova come back after the commercial break and make her acceptance speech anyway (probably my favorite moment of the night).


A Pat on the Back goes to...
Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Javier Bardem and Tilda Swinton. All gave very good acceptance speeches and (probably) deserved to win, though considering I only saw one of the four performances, I may be blogging out my ass right now (sorry for the unfortunate visual of me blogging out my ass!)

A Flick of the Ear goes to...
American Actors. Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Javier Bardem and Tilda Swinton were the acting award winners. Bully for them, but not an American winner the bunch?! What gives, Hollywood?

A Pat on the Back goes to...
John Travolta, for having the courage to wear the black, pseudo-hair helmet Max Von Sydow wore as Ming the Merciless in "Flash Gordon".












A Flick of the Ear goes to...
Miley Cyrus, for oh, so many reasons:
1. Her vamping. "come-on-you-wanna-fuck-me" posing on the red carpet. (She's 16. What, is she trying to compete with Jamie Lyn Spears?)
2. Her "Oh my god, everyone's so old!" comments on the red carpet. (Right after the vamping described above. You're in show biz, honey. Either be a kid or be an adult. Your quasi-Lolita shtick is just creepy to anyone with a sense of decency or class).
3. Her being there in the first place.

A Pat on the Back goes to...
Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, for fighting over which one of them was more like Halle Berry and less like Dame Judi Dench.

A Flick of the Ear goes to...
Katherine Heigl, for her "Oh-my-god- I'm-in-front-of-famous-people" presentation. I'm sure alot of you think that kind of stuff is cute. I don't. If you are asked to present at the Oscars, put on your game face and, oh I don't know, ACT like a professional.

A Pat on the Back goes to...
Whomever decided to have Jessica Alba host the Scientific and Technical Awards. I'm sure there were alot of chubbies under the tables when Sue "Invisible Girl" Storm showed up to host the award ceremony that the (very talented and deserving) nerds get to attend.

A Flick of the Ear goes to...
Jessica Alba, for her monotone intro to the Scientific and Technical Awards announcement with none of the winners named or shown at all.

And, Finally, a Big Pat on the Back goes to...
Scott Holme & Paul Wojciak, for hosting a fun, yet mellow Oscar party at their place


Ok, that's what I got for now. I'll add if I remember anything else.

Here's a list of the nominees and winners

Comments

Lucky said…
I agree with all your pats and flicks! I was pumping my fist in the air for Falling Slowly winning Best Song! They came out and nailed the performance and kudos to Stewart for letting her say what she needed and deserved to say! Once is a small indie film that was wonderful, made by musicians for next to nothing. The song was just beautiful and moving and just two musicians harmonizing and playing their insturments, so awesome! When I saw the film I loved it and went home and promptly learned the song on my guitar the same day, I was so thrilled they got an Oscar, I felt like they won it for all us musicians who aren't necessarily recognized or acknowledged, it was the feel good moment of the night for me as well.
Jon Stewart rocked, did a much better job this time around.
At least this year, all the songs were done by the artists who recorded them or performed them in the films, that was a real pat on the back moment for me as far as the show went.
You left out Tilda Swintons weird acceptance speech, kinda embarassing if you ask me, I also think that award shoulda gone to Amy Ryan, but she was American so oh well...
enjoyed this blog and for the most part, I also enjoyed the Oscars, about damn time
Anonymous said…
I saw Javier, Daniel, and Tilda, all awesome. All well deserved. Plus, I bet they flipped a coin for best picture.
Bersonality said…
Actually, I liked Tilda Swinton's speech. The comparison of her agent's head and ass to the statue made me laugh.

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