“We are gonna have an awesome country once again. When I
get through with it, you won’t believe how great it will be. I’m gonna tell
China to go fuck itself, and if they don’t like it, let ‘em try to collect on
the debt we owe them. I will negotiate such a deal with China that they will
want to give America the reacharound it deserves. As your president, I will
make sure that Congress passes only the bills I want them to pass. If they try
any of that attaching their bills to other ones, I am gonna grab them by the
nuts and squeeze until they scream “UNCLE”! They have no idea what they are up
against. I am gonna sign so many executive actions, it’ll make their heads
spin. Then I am going to sue all the haters and losers that thought I couldn’t
win. We’ll take all of that money and use it to fund all of my research on how
to be a president and how to do presidential stuff. Believe me…BELIEVE ME, it’s
gonna be a phenomenal eight years. Yeah, I said eight, because my first
executive action is to make a president’s term eight years. That outta give me
enough time to put my name on every building, highway and object I can find to
plaster my name on. That’ll show the rest of the world that America is not to
be messed with. Also, I will kick out of our country anyone whose skin color
doesn’t match mine. That will not only purify our nation, but will create
millions of jobs in the spray-tanning industry. BOOM! More jobs! I will leave
you with this: They said I couldn’t do it. They all said I couldn’t win, and
here we are. Me, Donald J. Trump telling the world how it’s gonna be. Good ble…wait,
Fuck God…I bless you and I bless America.”
Ok , here's how this goes: I'm giving either a Pat on the Back for something I liked or a Flick of the Ear (using my middle finger) to something I didn't like... A Pat on the Back goes to... Jon Stewart, for doing a good job as host, with a clever monologue, funny intros (Tom Hanks won twice and now has no right to be here) and my favorite montage of all time, the Oscar Tribute to Binoculars and Periscopes . A Flick of the Ear goes to... Jon Stewart, for including the Barack Hussein Obama material in his monologue. Coulter , Limbaugh, Hannity and every other right-wing douchebag emphasizes Obama's middle name. I understand it was a set up for a joke but the right-wing pundits are jokes themselves, so I saw no need to pile on (Although, " Gaydolph Titler " cracked me up). A Pat on the Back goes to... Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for their performance and winning the Academy Award for the song, "Falling Slowly" from ...
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